dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
