did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize