dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
