i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
