I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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