So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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