Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
