He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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