Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
