We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
