I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
