Cold hands, warm shart.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
