I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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