did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
