is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
