My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
