Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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