I just pynch a tree in the face
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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