Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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