So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
