I bet he comes in French.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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