After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize