Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
