The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
