Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
