ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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