; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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