There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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