# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
