So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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