I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
