mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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