i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
