Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
