Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
