Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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