Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize