i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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