Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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