looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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