I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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