I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
