don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
