One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
