i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
