It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize