I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
