I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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