New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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