I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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