what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
