You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
