I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize