no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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