the condom got lost in my hair
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
