I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
