i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
