Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
