If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
