she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
