if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
